Learnt.

What a painful way to learn.

Managing money = managing your life

Because without money, your life is definitely over.

When good Intention turns sour...

There is no one for the blame.

You have good intentions, I have good intentions too.

You want to help me out of the mess I am in, I want to help you by asking you to stay out so you will not feel upset and frustrated all the time.

This is getting out of hand.

My emotions are running in all different directions and I can't grab hold of any of them, the only thing I can do is to stay where I am at and be solemn.

1st of December, Two Thousand Twelve.

2012 is soon coming to an end. 

It has been the most complex & exciting roller coaster ride I had ever been on so far, I really wish this would be the last time I would need to ever ride with such thrill. 

Things that did not went well...

1. The Ass Hole of European Destinations (UK office) did not pay me my Salary and reimbursement, it has gotten me into state of "poverty". I really hope god has eyes and punish him - Harjeet Singh on my behalf.

2. Worked at Marina Bay Sands after, took me 4 months to get my CRA license and get a full salary. So broke :( 

3. Short stint at HK, did not like the place, the people, the culture, the working environment but learnt alot about being human and being thankful that I was born a Singaporean. 

Overall, Career and Financial was all time low, however relationship became better and stronger. 

Things I am thankful for...

1. Taking a leap of faith and meet him that night in January for Chong Pang Nasi Lemak. I was still fearful of meeting online people, once bitten, twice shy, you know? I'm glad I met him tho. After a few months of careful observation and dating, we got together on the 8th May. 

2. The many friends I had made working at Marina Bay Sands. They are the bunch of loveable people that makes going to work such a joy. The only regret I had was to leave so soon. 

3. During my horrible time in Hong Kong, people I love stood up and showed me what was love. 

YJ, my house mate in HK, my good friend and mentor. She is always listening and always helping me to answer questions I can't find. Making things look and sound more simple than I thought it could ever be. She patiently opened up my heart to accept things I find it hard to deal with and make me learn that it is ok to ask for help and it is ok to be vulnerable and let people carry your burden a little. My dear, you really changed my life in more ways than you could probably think you had. I Love You!

My Mummy. She changed. She had became the mum I have always been dreaming for. Patient and kind, understanding and always ready to listen and give advise. She was my motivation to live on. Of course my Dad... the slient warrior. 

My Sisters, especially Weiting. She had matured so much and I am so proud of you. Thank you for always being there even though this sister of yours can be real nasty when emotional. 

Cousin Corin. Though it might not mean alot to others but you as a shopaholic, just transferring me money to spend knowing that you might not get it back is really a very touching move for me. I really appreciate it dear. HUGS. 

Of course... my Zhu. Every night without fail, you FaceTime with me, Skype or just call me. I really appreciate the effort you had put in to reassure me that this relationship is being treasured. I really treasure you and I hope you will be the one person I thank god for every single year till I'm old and grey. 

So that's for 2012. 

Resolutions, Aims and Target for 2013!

1. Stay healthy, exercise more regularly and get rid of all my bad health habits such as binge eating (when upset)

2. Be more responsible for my own health and well-being by visiting the dentist in January and July, do a full body check up in Mar/Apr.

3. Be a more dutiful and filial daughter, patient, caring and sharing sister/cousin/niece, loving and gentle girlfriend, reliable and trustworthy friend, committed and diligent employee. 

4. Clear my financial burdens as much as possible.

5. GRADUATE and get my frigging degree.

6. STAY HAPPY!

7.  *Secret*  hehe. 

Hugs!

Dogmatic

Dogmatic.

It is a new word to describe me.

I am not only opinionated, I am VERY opinionated and I will hold on to my belief like I will die if I ever lose them.

There are so many things being bottled up, hatred, anger and resentment.

Fake.

It's so hard to find someone who is true to you.

Cruel Reality

Ever since I heard from bestie what happened, I can't help but feel real bothered.

She's young, just started a family and building a wonderful future after a tortured past.

Why her? Why not somebody else who are so nasty, someone who cuts others from having wonderful career opportunity and 不择手段to achieve what they want?

I know she's not related to me, but we share the same Buddhism beliefs.

In buddhism, we don't question why "it" happens , we accept - because everything happens for a reason and the reason goes all the way to areas you can't see or even fathom.

For what others and I can see, she is a wonderful person, a friend, a great colleague, a learning mummy and dutiful wife. Someone who works hard for a better future. Someone who is kind by nature. I hope because of all the good karma she accumulated over the years, will create a miracle for her to live, live strong.

Stay strong my Dear, we are all supporting you.

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If only...

... the amount of pain can be translated from the eyes.

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Explanations & Expectations.

I am tired of the above.

I am speechless as well.
I had never failed before... yes... never failed to disappoint.

If only someone could see the real me.
See who I am really am and give me what I really want.

I am greatly misunderstood.

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Good bye Grandpa.
Rest in Peace...

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Now... what else must I go through before the rain stops pouring?